Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Meanwhile Back At The Ranch...

The Lone Ranger is disguised as a wall... Tonto comes in and plasters his crack.

Do you ever have those days where you have what I call 'Stupididitties" running through your head all day, for no reason other than you are having a brain shrinkage day and they have room to run around?

Now brain shrinkage days are different than brain fart days. Brain fart days are just weird. P.E.R.I.O.D. Someone will ask you something and your mind just goes blank. You know the answer, but your mind goes blank and your face goes blank and whomever you're talking to can't decide whether to rap on your noggin with their knuckles to wake you up or to call 911 thinking you just had a stroke because they think you can't speak.

After about, mmm say, 17 false alarms, they finally get that your hard drive is stuck waiting for your ram to run to the hinterland of your brain to dig up an answer and they no longer have you hold out you arms, smile (to see if both sides of your mouth move) and speak, to see if anything other than drool comes out.

I, of course, am used to all the above because I have lived with me for 64 years. And a good portion of those years I've lived with 3 individuals, me, myself and I... and I like to be entertained, so me and myself have collected enough stupididitties and oddities to entertain the I of my life.

Now you do understand that when you've collected these nonsensical facts, fictions and jokes that there is little room left for much more than native intelligence. So sometimes when a person asks me a 'normal' question such as what did you have for dinner last night I have to stop and wait for the ram to pull the info out of the files and download it to my brain to vocalize it.

BUT (and a big but it is) if you asked me if I knew any Lone Ranger jokes I could pop of the above and more... such as the Lone Ranger was disguised as a pool table... Tonto comes in and racks his balls.

So if we ever meet, you may want to ask me a question about something 'normal', consider this...do you want to have to wait for a minute or two while my brain kicks in, or if you do not want to take that much time, then just ask me if I've heard any good knock-knock jokes, bawdy limericks, or downright tasteless dirty parrot jokes... and I'll pop something back at you...

Instantaneously.

77 comments:

jojo said...

interesting post Helen!

jojo said...

interesting post Helen!

Lisa said...

My pet photography class is cancelled, lack of students. That makes me soooo mad. But we still need to get together for the big shoot.

Tatersmama said...

I think I'll go for the stupiditties, thank you very much. I LIKE conversing with someone I have something in common with!

You and I would be fun at parties eh? And we could take turns hiding behind each other! ;-)

Staci said...

Let's hear some more Lone Ranger jokes, those were good!

Wonderful World of Weiners said...

Hope you have some good jokes cuz I hate the Lone Ranger!!

Hallie :)

Debbie said...

Are you an Aquarian? I seriously thought you were talking about me!

This is hillarious and I can so relate. Great post, Helen.

Perfect.

darsden said...

This is hilarious and so true..for me too. I am much better at remembering what happened 10 years ago than I am what happened 10 minutes ago. I am also suffering from just add any word in... let them make sense of it. I could be talking about washing my clothes and insert lawm mower in for washing machine. I would be very concerned about this...but in a few minutes I won't even remember it so who cares..LOL (I see jojo might be having the same issues I am-rotflmfao) Great that you are able to be witty...witty always helps, we laugh with you and not at you...see how that helps :-)

Twisted Fencepost said...

Believe it or not, I completely can understand and relate to this post. Is that good or bad?

Debbie Jean said...

Oh I so relate!! I love this post!!!

God Bless~
Debbie Jean

K. T. Sparks said...

Just a little Helen going on there!
You are so funny and glad you liked my room. My little Jack Russell is so cute Helen! I am amazed just how cute she is and she isn't a schnauzer!

hetty said...

You made me smile! Thanks! Did you hear about the two fish who were swimming and one of them swam into a concrete wall? "Dam!" said the other one.

Tipper said...

I want to meet you someday-and when I do I'll be sure to ask you if you know any limericks!

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