I’ve Lost My Mind…

Dogs woke me up with rousing barking this morning at 7:30 a.m. You all know how I am, I walk into walls at that time of the morning… I stumbled to the back door to let them out and saw this:

So naturally I had to go get my camera and walk outside to take a photo to share with you all.  I came back in, turned on the computer went to check the weather and this is what I saw:

This is just so not right.  And I not only went out in this to take a picture to share with you all, I went out in a pair of sweatpants, my house shoes and a sweatshirt I threw on so’s not to scare the cows  into early labor, I am trying to type this with this:

That is not my ash cup nor my cigarettes but was not awake enough to crop them out but, yep, those are my fingers taped together.  I smashed them day before yesterday, went to the doc yesterday and nothing is broken but they taped them this way because they weren’t sure until they got the x-ray report yesterday.  I can go to bandaids instead of this bulky bandage when I clean them later but let me tell you it is a bitch trying to type like this.  Talk about being a hunt and pecker…

Just wanted to let you all know how much I loved you… and I will really show you how much I love you by taking pictures of my fingers when I re-dress  them later… after I get up again…

I’ve fed the critters, brought in a load of wood, stoked the fire and now I’m going back to bed.

Corn Report…

Some days are diamonds, other days…. well, let’s just say I’m a techno-idiot and I need a brain. While reading Robynn’s Ravings yesterday she told about a life changing experience. Windows Live Writer. Another blogger she reads had told her to go download it. It would provide her with a no-hassle way to write her blog, post pictures and more without the headaches of Blogger.

So why not check it out, Helen, I’m thinkin’? Maybe there is a way to blog that doesn’t involve cuss words and stompin’ around the house grumbling in frustration. I have it on my new computer, so let’s go see it dance and shine…

I’m here to testify right now in front of God and all you blogging friends. I could screw up a wet dream. Yep. I could…

I had to first go find WLW on my computer. No problem. I opened up my all programs screen (I know how to go there, I just don’t for sure know that’s what it’s called, but y’all do) and I found it, clicked on it and brought it up and did the happy sitting down dance thinkin’ oh boy I’m gonna tear it up on my corn report.

I loaded the pictures I took to show you all the growth of the corn. WLW even put them where I wanted them AT THAT MOMENT. Then I went back up to the top to start writing next to the first picture… It wouldn’t let me start where I wanted to start. The cursor, a good name for it by the way, would stay right beside the BOTTOM of the first picture. WTF? This can’t be happening. Robynn and two others she suggested I look at all said with happy tunes in their ‘voices’ and flowers dancing around their heads how easy WLW is to write on and post photos on then transfer to their blog.

Back to the drawing board for me. I guess I’m going to have to find someone with a lot of patience to help me figure out this computer stuff. Now I’m going to upload the photos I wanted to put on my corn report. I don’t have a clue where they will end up on here. Then I’m going to try to “transfer them to your blog”, not yours, of course, to mine. I was just quoting the tutorial…

So here’s mud in your eye, as I raise my glass of Diet Pepsi. We’ll see how it goes. The good day corn is on the left. The bad day is to the right. Good. Bad.

You see where good and bad is typed next to the photo. That’s where WLW wanted me to start typing. If you look at every other post I’ve done I like to start at the top of the photo and write beside it. I tried moving the cursor by clicking at the top of the photo… no luck. It just showed up at the bottom like the above. I tried backspacing… took out the photo. I tried cursing the cursor and I swear I saw little hands waving on either side of it and a little pink tongue giving me the raspberries. Naner, naner poopoo.

I hope this will transfer to my blog. If it does, I’ll be ever so thankful. If not, I’m going to go pull weeds. It’s only supposed to get to 104 today and I’m hotter that that right now.

Meanwhile Back At The Ranch...

The Lone Ranger is disguised as a wall... Tonto comes in and plasters his crack.

Do you ever have those days where you have what I call 'Stupididitties" running through your head all day, for no reason other than you are having a brain shrinkage day and they have room to run around?

Now brain shrinkage days are different than brain fart days. Brain fart days are just weird. P.E.R.I.O.D. Someone will ask you something and your mind just goes blank. You know the answer, but your mind goes blank and your face goes blank and whomever you're talking to can't decide whether to rap on your noggin with their knuckles to wake you up or to call 911 thinking you just had a stroke because they think you can't speak.

After about, mmm say, 17 false alarms, they finally get that your hard drive is stuck waiting for your ram to run to the hinterland of your brain to dig up an answer and they no longer have you hold out you arms, smile (to see if both sides of your mouth move) and speak, to see if anything other than drool comes out.

I, of course, am used to all the above because I have lived with me for 64 years. And a good portion of those years I've lived with 3 individuals, me, myself and I... and I like to be entertained, so me and myself have collected enough stupididitties and oddities to entertain the I of my life.

Now you do understand that when you've collected these nonsensical facts, fictions and jokes that there is little room left for much more than native intelligence. So sometimes when a person asks me a 'normal' question such as what did you have for dinner last night I have to stop and wait for the ram to pull the info out of the files and download it to my brain to vocalize it.

BUT (and a big but it is) if you asked me if I knew any Lone Ranger jokes I could pop of the above and more... such as the Lone Ranger was disguised as a pool table... Tonto comes in and racks his balls.

So if we ever meet, you may want to ask me a question about something 'normal', consider this...do you want to have to wait for a minute or two while my brain kicks in, or if you do not want to take that much time, then just ask me if I've heard any good knock-knock jokes, bawdy limericks, or downright tasteless dirty parrot jokes... and I'll pop something back at you...

Instantaneously.

Hmmmm...

It seems that the older I get, the more what I call "idiot-syncrisities" I'm finding that I have...

Example - When I do laundry I have to turn my clothes right side out. It chaps me when I get clothes out of the dryer and then have to turn them right side out to hang them up or fold them.

Another one - When I take off my socks, I don't just pull them off. I take them off so they are right side out so I don't have to do it before I put them in the laundry. Yesterday my socks were wet when I took my tennies off and when I pulled my wet socks off, one of them came halfway off and then, being wet, I turned it inside out the rest of the way. I jumped my own stuff for not being more patient so's I wouldn't pull them inside out.

More? I just found a new one about myself today. I was doing the laundry and laid out my t-shirts on the bed to fold after I hung up my hanging clothes. I laid them to the left of where I was folding the other clothes, and went to fold them and it was like a dyslexic attack. It felt totally backward to me. Now where did that come from?

One "idiot-syncrisity" that I know how it came about is folding my socks. I like to wear crew socks with my tennis shoes. I've never been comfortable wearing closed shoes of any kind without socks or hosiery of some sort. My feet seem sweaty without them and it is just uncomfortable.

So I wear socks a lot since my life is more casual now. When I wash and dry my socks, I match'em up and then just fold them over. I don't fold them inside each other or turn the tops over to hold them together. The reason? My legs are skinny and the tops stretch out too soon and then they slide down to my ankles.

I know, I know... I'm just getting to be picky in my old age, but, dang! Some days I just drive my own self crazy.

How about you all? Any "idiot-syncrisities" y'all will 'fess up to? It makes you feel better to get them out in the open.

Trust me, I know...