Still Kickin'

I knew it had been a while since I've posted on my blog and when I looked I was embarrassed to see how long it had been...  A lot has happened since my last post and nothing really has happened since my last post.     Let me explain that statement.

In August I was pretty much tired of feeling like the hamster in the wheel, running and running to nowhere on the medical side of my life after getting my blood drawn every month and going to the G.I. and having virtually the same conversation about getting the liver function down to somewhere near normal.  I was having some side effects that I attributed to the Imuran, the liver medicine that I had been taking, along with prednisone (steroids) for months.  My doctor was getting frustrated, also I think, because my liver readings were not getting down to where he thought they should be and I was thinking if the dang liver med hadn't kicked in to deal with the problem and get me off the steroids then why am I taking it?  We talked and I told him that I felt some of the problems that were putting me in the dirt were side effects of the Imuran and I wanted to know if there were other options.  He was honest with my that he really didn't know as it was pretty much all he knew to do and he would prefer that I go to a liver specialist that would be more knowledgeable about it all.  Fine with me but I'm getting off the Imuran and he said that was fine but would you not go off the prednisone.  Well, I thought what is 7.5 mg every other day going to do for me but for now I stayed on it.

I went to Ft. Worth for the weekend of August 24th.  My sister-in-law was going to sing for her first time with a gospel group and 6 or 8 songs solo in the program.  The concert program was at a large church in Benbrook, a bedroom community in the south part of Ft. Worth.  My sister that lives in Weatherford, TX, west of Ft. Worth drove in and we got to visit and sit together during the concert and that was fun to get to catch up with her.  It seems we don't get to do that often enough.

This was the flyer for Diane's first professional appearance.  Gloria Diane Gardner or as we call her GG or Diane. She also went with Praise, Inc. to Vermont for 4 days of concerts.  My baby brother went with her and Praise, Inc. on their Vermont trip and they got to visit with my cousin and her husband that live close to where the concerts were being held.  I was jealous that they got to visit my cousin as it has probably been 15 or 20 years since I've gotten to see my cousin... but I wasn't cognizant enough to fuss too much about it.  I, once again, have digressed from my post...

Meanwhile back at the ranch... The Evening Of Praise was wonderful, but also very long.  Anyone that has ever gone to a gospel singing evening knows it will go at least 2 hours and more likely 3-4 hours. Since I went with Bennett (baby brother) and Diane we were at the church so they could get set up and do sound checks and all that pre stuff and then we were at the church for the tear down and all total we were there from about 3:30 in the afternoon until 11 p.m. that night.  I was wiped out.  I slept for the better part of Saturday.  Praise, Inc. was going to sing at a car show and I was looking forward to getting to see all the older cars and enjoy some more music but I was so exhausted that I told Ben he was going to have to go without me.  Diane was also pretty wiped and was staying home until little brother called and smooth talked her into going to the show and doing some more singing both solo and with the guys. I slept, watched a little t.v. and slept some more and some more.

I had planned to get up and go to church with B. and D, on Sunday but I didn't wake up until almost noon on Sunday and when they got home from church we all basically crashed, napping and watching t.v. until Sunday night when we met two of my nephews at the movie, the first one I'd been to at a movie theater since I went with Ben and Diane to see "Elf" when it came out several years ago.  I got up on Monday and drove home. Exhausted.

Somewhere during that stretch of a few days I decided in one of more disastrous decisions that the prednisone wasn't doing any good no more than I was taking... 7.5 mg every other day.  The doctor hadn't told me that you have to step down, way down before you quit taking it and I figured there wouldn't be any problem.  I was so very wrong as any of you who have been on an extended steroid regimen know.

NEWS FLASH... Sometimes I just amaze my own stupid self... I just now in talking with Carol realized I lost almost two months.  I was thinking that I just lost about one month, but I'd been thinking that the concert was in September when they were in August. I got home on Monday even more tired than usual from my trip. And from there things pretty much started heading south.  I slept, got up to eat, maybe get on the computer a bit, maybe not, back to sleep and the next day repeat.  Then the pain started.  I would take pain pills when I got up to feed the dogs in the morning, go back to bed and when I'd get up again I'd take more pain pills just to try to keep the pain at a manageable level... it wasn't working very well.  I went to my regular doctor about getting stronger pain medication until I could see the liver doctor.  I had my first appointment with him on Sept. 20th I think.  Before he did anything medication wise he wanted to get lab work and then we would get down to the business of figuring out what he was needing to treat.  He order 15 different blood tests. I got the bill for them the other day... over six thousand dollars of tests.  Thank God for Medicare otherwise we wouldn't be having this conversation because I'm one of those that has no other medical insurance.

In the time after the blood tests until my appointment to see him again, the pain really kicked in.  I would wake up one day with hot, searing joint pain in maybe my elbows one day and then in my wrists and hands the next. You could see the swelling and almost feel the heat coming off whatever area was hurting that day.  My hands looked like I had been in a fight.  My knuckles would swell up to almost double normal size and the swelling would go halfway up my arm. When the pain traveled again it went to my knees.  I was in such pain just trying to walk from my bed to the bathroom (about 12 steps) that I had to use Carol's cane for several days and thought about getting her walker but I didn't get quite that bad. As the days passed I got to being almost analytical watching the pain traveling from one area to the next in my body.  Almost as if I was on the outside of my body looking in and observing what was going on.  For example I figured out when the low grade fever started coming on the pain would start intensifying. The pain meds my family practice doctor gave me that were stronger than what I normally take for the fibro pain and they would afford me some time where I wasn't curled up in a whimpering blob on the sofa or asleep in the bed on an average of 12 hours out of the 24.

I'm going to make this a two-parter because I'm getting worn out trying to remember what all went on since the end of August.  I can remember 40 years ago great, just don't ask what I had for dinner last night and here I'm trying to recall what went on in my drug induced state for almost two months.  I promise not to make you wait for two days, much less two months but I have to take a break for now...

I’ve Lost My Mind…

Dogs woke me up with rousing barking this morning at 7:30 a.m. You all know how I am, I walk into walls at that time of the morning… I stumbled to the back door to let them out and saw this:

So naturally I had to go get my camera and walk outside to take a photo to share with you all.  I came back in, turned on the computer went to check the weather and this is what I saw:

This is just so not right.  And I not only went out in this to take a picture to share with you all, I went out in a pair of sweatpants, my house shoes and a sweatshirt I threw on so’s not to scare the cows  into early labor, I am trying to type this with this:

That is not my ash cup nor my cigarettes but was not awake enough to crop them out but, yep, those are my fingers taped together.  I smashed them day before yesterday, went to the doc yesterday and nothing is broken but they taped them this way because they weren’t sure until they got the x-ray report yesterday.  I can go to bandaids instead of this bulky bandage when I clean them later but let me tell you it is a bitch trying to type like this.  Talk about being a hunt and pecker…

Just wanted to let you all know how much I loved you… and I will really show you how much I love you by taking pictures of my fingers when I re-dress  them later… after I get up again…

I’ve fed the critters, brought in a load of wood, stoked the fire and now I’m going back to bed.

Yep. I Got Muddy, Too…

There are times in my life that I will admit to being not quite bright, as my friend from Kentucky would say… Not often, but there are those infrequent times.  They usually transpire when I’m tired and worn down and the brain is kicking in a bit slow…

We decided that the safest thing to do was to leave the U-Haul on the gravel drive, hitch the little trailer on my pickup, drive it around to the big barn, load it and then drive it back to the drive and load it off the trailer into the U-Haul.

First we had to figure the route around the back of the trailer. And we did… with Jonathan and me both getting stuck once apiece.  However, Jonathan being a country boy was a bit smarter than me…

Duh… did ‘ja know that it’s right smart to shut your car door and not try to help push because your tires are spinning and throwing mud… all over my car door, my leg, my little trailer and the stuff on it.

The back end of  my pick-up and stuff that was in it.

The stuff on the trailer…

Another photo of the stuff.   Jonathan was the one that may have saved my life… If I’d had to do all this by myself I probably would have stroked out.

On top of working like a dog helping Walter and me with loading all the stuff, he was tending to his little sister, Haley.  He was very patient with her, letting her hand him little stuff that she could and when she would get in a place where she might get hurt or be in the way he would sit her on the back of the big truck to one side or the other or sit her on the tailgate of my pick up. 

And that boy can back up a trailer ‘way better than me.  Notice how nonchalant baby sister is… when I’d drive around she would sit inside the truck until I shut the engine off.

When I got home after the last trip to storage I asked Carol to take a picture for you all… actually two.

I took off my boots in the garage to try to minimize what I might bring into the house…

And this was just to show you that I walked in under my own power, on my own two sock feet and as soon as she took these pictures I went back out to the garage and stripped down and went straight to bed.

I didn’t even care about taking a bath first because I was so tired I’d have probably gone to sleep and drowned.  And my furbabies didn’t care if I might have been a little stinky,  they were just glad mom was home and all was right in their world.

If you want a bit more of a laugh, put your cursor on the picture of me in the truck with mud on me and the door…

I leave this nasty tale now.  I’ve got a lot of laundry to do…

Would It Be Cheaper

To fix me or maybe SueSue’s foot?  But before we go there… Guess what I found this morning while weeding at God-thirty in the morning, as in not too long after dawn?

Got any idea?

becoming clearer?

Yep, a bunny nest.  No babies, though.  They are big enough to be out on their own and I’ve seen some of the young’uns out and about on the prairie.  Here’s where they were hiding out in plain sight -

Remember the grass and weeds I’ve been needing to clean out around the daylilies and the iris? The one that I so brashly stated that would only take a couple of days to clean out?  I guess the reason I didn’t get out sooner to start was because the babies needed time to grow and leave the nest…

and start eating on my ONE good head of cabbage.  It was beautiful. Four days ago. Late in the afternoon, early evening.

Today, after bunny brunch.  This cabbage was just right and big. Four and a half pounds of wonderful, sweet crunchy cabbage.  Now bunny food… Dang.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch… Me or SueSue?  Suess was on my heels in the kitchen when I was turning out the ice trays.  She likes the little crunchies that break off when I crack the trays. I took a few steps towards the living room, talking to Carol.  I turned back to finish the ice… and stepped on SueSue.  I knew I was on her because I was barefoot and could feel her furry foot.  I jerked my foot off and fell square on my knee.

She is okay.  I’m not sure about me.

Didn’t hurt when I landed. Felt kind of like a denim burn.  I had on jeans. I took these about twenty minutes after it happened. It didn’t hurt to walk.  I got in the tub and noticed it had started to swell.  Now it hurts like being stuck with a hot poker whenever I move my leg.  Dang! Double Dang!  Poopy baby diapers DANG.

Why couldn’t I just have stepped on the Baby Girl?!! At least I’ve got ice for the ice packs.

I’ll keep you posted on whether I’m more costly than SueSue.  Tomorrow…

Note To Self...

When you add forty years and forty-+ pounds with muscle memory that has Alzheimers and competitive spirit that should slowed down it adds up to P.A.I.N.

I went to my niece's yesterday afternoon for hamburgers and swimming and visiting. I shoulda just stuck to those things, but they had set up a volleyball court in their back yard so they could play with their friends, their kids and grandkids and even an old aunt who should have just sat and watched.

But, no, I had to decide I couldn't stand to watch. After all, it was one of those sports I was (was being the 'operative' word) good at in school, forty + years ago. Not one minute into my playing time, our side was trying to get the ball over, there was a mis-hit and I went to save it. First upon turning quickly to try get to the ball before it hit the ground I stubbed my toes and lost my balance. Things went south from there.

I fell. I fell all over the place. I did a great landing with my left arm under me. You get the idea that you might have done a super "oh, no" when you actually hear a popping noise at the same exact time that pain rips through your body... I did manage to get up and my niece was like,"Aunt Helen, are you okay???" I told her I was okay but that I needed to sit for a bit and went back to my chair and sat.

I turned to Bro, who was sitting by me watching all the going's on, and told him I either separated a rib or broke a rib. We sat and watched the youngsters and visited for another hour. Bro drove us home and I hit the muscle relaxer and the pain meds. I did get some rest last night, but I'm here to tell you that I won't be going to make the big save any more.

I might have been able to be the she-ro when I was way younger, but I've got to figure out some way to shine that is age compatible now. Because it's not fun to hurt like this. So take heed, my friends, because one of these days there will be a time when you say, "I can do that!" that you really can't, despite what you think.

Oklahoma Burning...

I had intended to write a new post yesterday, but I made the mistake of turning on the TV to check out the weather as I was planning on driving to Ft. Worth today to spend Easter with my brother and s.i.l. and any other sibs that I might run into while I'm here.

The first thing I saw was a home burning. It was so wind driven that it looked like someone was burning it with a flame-thrower. Then the camera operator in the chopper pulled back from the tight shot and there was fire EVERYWHERE. I was, needless to say, glued to the TV for the rest of the evening.

The first reports started coming in around 1:30 or 2 p.m. All three Okla. City TV stations were broadcasting about the fires continually from about 2:30 in the afternoon. Oklahoma was burning from south to north, from Texas to Kansas, being pushed by southern winds that were blowing from 40-60 m.p.h. The ember fireballs were blowing up to 1/4 of a mile over the firefighters and starting more fires.

The firefighters were trying to get ahead of the fires but the wind was being ferociously aggressive. I wasn't worried at this point about where I live because the closest fires were about ten miles north of where we lived. When I started getting worried about where we lived is when the winds started turning from south to north with the cool front that was coming in from the west and north and the winds were expected to increase and drive the fire back the way it came. That problem with that was the fire had been driven by the wind so fast that while a lot had been burned, there was a lot that hadn't been burned.

Whole small towns were evacuated. In Midwest City and Choctaw, both of which are east of OKC, but still bedroom communities,and Wellston which is north of Choctaw, over 100 homes were destroyed. One home would catch fire and the firefighters would be fighting it and the house next door would catch on fire or maybe the embers would blow over the house next door to the second house down the street. And all of this was happening in front of the viewers eyes.

Got to stop for now, but I will be back later and wrap up this story. I can only deal with getting my brain wrapped around so much and then I have to rest and think a bit. I just wanted to get this started and let you all know that we were okay. I'll get back to you later this evening.

Please bear with me...

Part 2---


I'm back. When disasters happen, and this is a disaster, I have to think things through and try to get my brain wrapped around it. I want to try to tell you as honestly as I can how I see things through my eyes. All of the stuff that I write about is as I see it. And as I watched these fires bursting out all over I was both horrified and fascinated. Horrified at the destruction, all the people who lost their homes, and the firemen who were injured fighting the fires.

Fascinated by the incredible power of mother nature, God or however you want to chalk it up. When I saw those videos being sent into the various stations from their choppers with the fires destroying places I knew, areas I was familiar with, streets I have driven on a good portion of my life, each one that flared up was like a burn on my own skin. I can understand now the effects the California fires had on the people that had to be evacuated, that had everything destroyed that they had worked for all their lives.

I would watch the California wildfires, the Arizona wildfires and the Florida wildfires and it never really touched me because I didn't know these places. These places were not ingrained in the fabric of all my life's experiences, these were not the places that I had grown up around. These were not the street's I had ridden around with my mom and my dad when I was little... going out to what was the country then to my aunt and uncle's home... the streets that I rode with my mom and dad going just out for a Sunday drive.

I watched on until after 11 p.m. when things were brought under control enough that people were no longer being evacuated and the TV stations were no longer streaming video and warnings to folks to stay away so that the firemen could fight the innumerable fires. I will never again see a fire, whether it is a grass fire, forest fire or a house fire that I will not be touched by now. And I now can, truly, understand why people rebuild in the same area or on the same grounds that the homes they lost were on.

Because it is just that... home.