Monday, April 27, 2009

***** LATE BREAKING NEWS FLASH*****

BFE, OK (RDW wirestory)--- Contrary to popular beliefs, doctors did confirm today that Helen G., a.k.a. Reddirt Woman, has not had any contact with, or been wallowing around with any swine... at least not the 4 legged kind. Although the Dirty Ole' Woman looks like she's been drug around the pasture a time or 7 and although she still feels like she has been wallowed on, over, under and any ways else she could have been wallowed on... that it is not the fault of any old boar... or swine, period.

When this reporter got as up close and personal as the wind would allow to ask about these findings, after Helen wiped her nose on her sleeve, and croaked... "That's right!!! The doctor said it couldn't be proved that I had been near any swines since I chased piglets last summer on my niece's place. I am vindicated! "


Okay, okay... If I cry about this it makes more snot and that's not good, so I have to laugh. I went to the Doc in a Box today. My throat has been so sore for 2 days I figured I best get checked. I do not have strep. I've had so much drainage that my throat looks kinda like a baboon's backside, but it's not strep. I do have bronchitis, all the drainage is gurgling around in the upper lobes of my lungs, so the doc gave me a RX for antibiotics and said if I wasn't better in ten days, to check back. I didn't tell her I wasn't gonna wait ten days. I've been sicker than I can remember in, oh, 30 - 40 years and I better get to feeling better soon or I'll be ready to be rolled off into the bar ditch.

So I have taken heed of the urgings of all of you (thank you, very much) and gone back to the doctor and re-visited what was going on with me and hopefully I'll start going the other way with this stuff, because it really is a bitch to try to be funny about this crud.

Back to bed now, to sleep, perchance to dream, a dream of being swooped up on a magnificent black stallion by a magnificent, young, handsome gorgeous strong person.....
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who will finish planting my garden for me before fall...


I really don't think that is too much to ask.

26 comments:

darsden said...

Wonderful to hear Helen you did go back to the doctor..although they have been known to be wrong sometimes... I reserve the right to pass judgement about the swine thing...next time you go outside.. Wanted see if you are planting the flowers or rolling around in the flowers :-)
Woman you are still funny snotty nose and ruby redthroat...still hilarious..but do get lots of rest and fluids...dr.dar will be back to check on you later..!

Laura ~Peach~ said...

hope that stud shows up and when he is done with your garden send him my way :)... hell just come with him I want to see you in the flesh anyway :)
HUGSSSSSSS
Laura

Bush Babe said...

Dear me - you poor thing!! (Although not as poor as those who actually HAVE swine flu, I guess!)

Hope you get on top of it soon and get back to enjoying the good life...
Hugs
BB

hetty said...

Oh, dear! I laughed! Sorry. I know this isn't funny for you. I had a cold like this a few weeks ago. It took more than two weeks to feel almost human again. I just went to bed and slept the entire time. It was a good excuse to do so! Oh, and if you find that handsome stud send him my way when he is finished with your garden. We're a bit behind with spring anyway, so it should work out great! Happy dreams!

Twisted Fencepost said...

You know I was thinking about that earlier today. I'm glad you got checked and haven't been rolling with swine.
I had that crap not long ago. I was miserable.
Maybe the meds will kick in and you'll be up and at it soon.

Wonderful World of Weiners said...

Your comment to me today made me laugh - and boy after John's nightmare, did I need it!!

Hallie :)

Robynn's Ravings said...

You dream good dreams and I'm so SORRY I didn't know you were SOOOO sick, Helen!!

I hope these antibiotics do the trick and you feel better again soon which, by the way it sounds like you feel, should put you at merely horrible instead of wanting to croak. I'm also putting you on the top of my list of prayers.

I just LOVE you and can't believe I didn't realize this. Why aren't I getting your updates? I need to check my blog roll. What the heck?

Robynn's Ravings said...

Uh, could it be I'm not FOLLOWING you?! As I said, "What the HECK?" When you're better, I will show up for a good slapping. Now, there. That'll give you something to live for.

Brenda S Okie in Colorado said...

Helen, I do hope you get better soon. You have been sick way too long. Wish all your followers and I could make it all better for ya. Rest and take care.
And, as for someone coming along and planting your garden...I would be happy to plant my own garden but it's this crazy Colorado weather keeping me from planting it. I woke up to snow again this morning!
Get well soon♥

J and J Acres said...

We just got our garden out yesterday, it was a relief! I hope you get to feeling better soon... of course if a young stud does show up, you may want to play sick just a little while longer!

GingerJar said...

Glad it's not the Swine Flu...although so far none of the infected seemed to be rolling in the mud with the swine, some admitted to sharing some of the same flies from the pig farm.

Hope you get to feeling better. Unfortunately I don't have a strapping young hunk to send to help plant that garden. Seems like with the exception of my hubby only old goats seem to be available. *wink*

Ronda said...

I hope you are already starting to feel better! Girl, you are a hoot! YOU remind me so much of my aunt to passed away about 4 years ago from cancer. You guys have the same personality, and a way with words.. I love getting on the puter in the a.m. and going to your blog. I am praying that you get to feeling better soon so you can get that garden out!

Debbie said...

Okay, I'm late. Didn't know you were sick and I'm SO sorry. A friend pointed out to me one Spring..."seems you get bronchitis every time you dig in the dirt". She was right. Dirt is dirty LOL and polleny.

I thought it was just NC dirt.

I want a hunk too, so after Peach, send him my way :) Feel better soon!

Mary Ellen said...

Is it wrong that I thought the swine references were funny???

I'm glad you went back to the doc. You need to listen to your bloggy friends. I've had those illnesses that 'should go away on their own' turn into bronchitis and then pneumonia. You need to get better. Although that fantasy stallion-rider might be a figment of your illness and will disappear when you're healed!

Feel better soon!!!

Caution Flag said...

Two visits to the doc and you're still not feeling better? Maybe a third visit will do it?

Did you beautiful person show up in your dream or real life? I sincerely hope so.

Brenda S Okie in Colorado said...

Hope you are better today! You have a lot of us pullin' for ya.
I just received my May/June copy of Oklahoma Today. I was taken aback when I see BFE, OK appears in one of the articles. Kendall's! But we both know how good that place is. Now I have an incredible cravin' for chicken fried steak!

K. T. Sparks said...

Helen I am sorry to hear that you are sicker than a skunk!!!! I knew you had allergys but did not realize you were feeling ready for any ol' bar ditch and yours are red dirt so that is pretty darn bad!!!!! I hope you get well soon an yes, that swine flu is scary and I am glad you are not Oklahoma's first documented case!

Nola said...

WARNING:...The surgeon general has determined that illness is bad for your health!!

If knowing that someone cares helps the healing process.......

then you should be feeling better already!!

Get well soon Helen! :)

MaBunny said...

Hope you get to feeling better soon;)) Glad its not flu of the pig variety!

Tipper said...

I'm so glad you went to the doc-and I hope the medication helps FAST!

Terry said...

Oh dear girl please get well fast,until than maybe you better start watching Ellen after reading Tatersmamas Take On Things about Gladys and Her" I love Jesus But I drink A little" post I had to lol because hey I have an Aunt or two that would sound just like Gladys .
I guess being from Texas and having Oklahoma roots mixed in I am use to always talking with a bit of sarcasm aka humor.Anyhow try to stay out of the bar ditch until you have exhausted all get well remedies !
Blessings of healing and rest to you .Try not to worry about the garden .things always get done somehow.

J and J Acres said...

Glad to hear that things are starting to look up.

I noticed that you added a black stallion into your 'need a garden helper' ad. I'm starting to like you more and more! :) hee hee.

farmlady said...

"perchance to dream, a dream of being swooped up on a magnificent black stallion by a magnificent, young, handsome gorgeous strong person.....
>
who will finish planting my garden for me before fall..."
You better get well....FAST!

Mary Ellen said...

Just stopping by to see how you are feeling - hope you're better!

Nola said...

Just dropped in to see how you were going......are you OK??

Oh, don't bother ringing the swine flu information hotline.....all you get is a lot of crackling on the line!!! But do keep an eye out for any suspicious rashers that appear on your body!!!

Lol.....sorry.....can't help myself!!

Brenda S Okie in Colorado said...

Hope you are getting better and stronger every day. I am so worried about you! I'm sending you a personal email to make you smile.