Sunday, August 23, 2009

Bosoms, Buddies: Part Deux

When I was about twenty one I decide to bite the bullet and take the matters in hand, as it were, and see if there was anything I could do to assist Mother Nature.  A very sincere friend told me if I could get fitted in a bra that wasn’t padded the girls might have room to grow.

High Hopes So with high hopes and a good amount of gullibility I set off on the mission to become more,  ummm, boobalicious.

Back in the day, 40+ years ago, the upscale department store in Oklahoma City was John A. Brown’s.  It is now known as Dillard’s, but back then it was still John A. Brown’s.  Please excuse the wandering back in time. It seems to happen a lot these days… Now, where was I?

Oh, yes.  Taking affirmative steps to prove or disprove the validity of the claim of non-padded bras.  I am, if nothing else, enthusiastic in the pursuit.  I don’t know why.  The girls, although miniscule have done fine up to this point, but I digress.

I confidently stride into the lingerie department and head for foundations.  Here is where it starts getting dicey.  The saleslady approaches me and in a kindly, but professional tone said, “May I help you sir?” 

I started to turn on my heel and hot-foot it out the door, but I took a deep breath and said, “I’m a young woman and I need to try to get fitted for a non-padded bra.”

Mind you while I did have on casual clothes and my hair was short, though not as short as now, I did have on a padded bra at the time.  Anyway, the saleslady kind of arched her eyebrow and asked me to follow her to the fitting room.  Well, I disrobed, which was traumatic enough being shy back in the day, and the lady took her measurements that she needed and went on the quest.

When she returned with several possibilities in hand we started trying them on.  I kid you not, every single bra I tried on, and there were a few, you could roll up the cup, the A-cup I might add, you could roll it up and pin it and it wouldn’t have made a difference.  Bless her heart, the lady tried, she did. Made several trips out to try different brand names.  After the last round she very kindly suggested that I might try the juniors department. Perhaps they could help me there.  I thanked her for her patience, dressed and walked straight out of the store and never looked back.

Fast forward now to Christmas when I was sixty years old.  I was in Ft. Worth at Ben and Diane’s (baby brother and s.i.l.) and we were opening gifts. Ben handed me a package and I looked and saw it was from Laura, the niece that is getting married next month.  I proceeded to open it with all eyes upon me and it was two brassieres from Victoria’s Secret.  I know I must have gone red with embarrassment because there are some things that you don’t want to open on Christmas with everyone watching. Laura, in her sweetest voice said, “Aunt Helen, you need to start wearing a bra.”

Do you have any idea how difficult it is to get used to wearing a bra after sixty years of not wearing a bra?

With age and menopause combined, the forty pounds I put on had endowed me somewhat, and I guess the tank top tees and the loose t-shirt or tops over them wasn’t enough to not embarrass the kid.

So the two things I’ve been making myself do for this month before the wedding is wearing shoes when I go out to dig in the flower beds and garden because it is dang hard cleaning the dirt out from under toenails and…

Wearing a bra of some sorts, whether it’s a jog bra or a regular one, so I won’t be fidgeting and pulling at it during the wedding and reception.

That’s my bosom tale and it is a true story. 

I hope to post some more corn another corn post this evening.  Enjoy your Sunday.


Roslyn said...

Sounds as if you are serious about making a dynamite appearance at this wedding! Oh, slather those tootsies with a foot cream & put cotton sox over at bedtime, helps to baby your sole supports!

Katidids said...

Corn huskers or bag balm (tiny bits) work wonders! I have 3 daughters, all three "passed me by in the boobula department by age 13..I feel ya! Well, not really but you know what I mean

darsden said...

OMGosh I busted out laughing.. Helen, we are two peas in a pod but a lil different. I got everybodies including your families LOL...but I too would have to get assistance because I could find one big enough...yep I said it... But, I too was call a lil boy..uhmmm ma'am didn't you see my boobs before you saw me? (she didn't have to work at being blonde)(er sorry blondies) but in third grade I was a 36D...OMG yes I sister hated me..I hated them!!! As I grew so did they.. and uhmmm I took care of half of them and still have plenty...rotflmao at your stories..I like it when you get side tracked..your even funnier :-)) happy Sunday my friend.

Tina said...

OK first of all I found your boobs and your family's boobs---my family has them! You are welcome to reclaim that at any time as they have been trying to run down to the ground for years now.

For your feet-Forget socks and bag balm-go get a pedicure!! I have the crustiest feet on the planet and they can fix them up so they look smooth and beautiful for 3 months at a time (about 20-25 dollars a session) and you get to sit in a massaging throne and dangle your feet in warm water. It is pure relaxation and worth every penny!


Reddirt Woman said...

Roslyn I need to look halfway decent for me... I guess I want to know if I can still strut my stuff. Sometimes I get down and think there's no reason to mess with taking care of myself but that puts me down another level. So perhaps it's a good thing for the weddings to be paced out every three or four years. To remind us that we still can look good despite the wrinkles.

Katidids, when I was in high school and an aide in p.e. I'd have to check the girls off as they showered and those 7nth graders were bombastic compared to me. Thank goodness i didn't have to shower with them. They'd have been pointing and giggling.

OMG Dar... you must have been put through the teasing wringer. It does work both ways I guess. No wonder we have such great senses of humor. We had to learn to laugh to keep from killin' ourselves or someone else. Kids could be so mean... still can be from what I hear but now their parents can be sued for raising bullies... I'll tell my sis that I found our boobs...

Tina I may have to do just that. I've never had a manicure other than the ones I give myself, but I've heard it's about as close to wonderfulness as you can get. My niece was going to treat me before the 4th of July to get something patriotic but that was the week after I cracked my ribs and I just didn't feel like making the drive to her house to go and get them done.

Twisted Fencepost said...

You crack me up!
I have never been endowed, but had enough that I was forced to wear those awful double barrel sling shots. I hated them. Still do. When I first began to sprout, I would wear sweatshirts to keep from wearing the bra. And it didn't matter what the weather was doing.

hetty said...

You're too much, Helen! Well maybe not in that department, but that's okay. They say you don't miss what you never had. Is that true? Personally I think you look great! And you will never have to worry about them hanging down below your knees.

farmlady said...

This wedding is making you face all kinds of demons isn't it?
I remember being envious of the girls in school with big boobs but life just isn't fair sometimes and both my sister and I got mole hills when our Mom had Mt. Shasta and St Helens put together. Go figure. Now I only have one left after having breast cancer years ago so my personal opinion is..., don't sweat the "little" things.
Get the most comfortable sport bra you can find and get yourself a wonderful spa pedicure( like Tina says, it's worth every penny), moose that hair, throw on the mascara and SMILE.

High School.., gym showers, naked bodies, mean girls and padded bras...oh the horror, the horror. You would have to remind me...

Reddirt Woman said...

Becky, after high school and my bra buying experience I have live in my tank type undershirts and worn tees or blouses or sweatshirts and sweaters if it was cold. The only time the sling shots were brought out was for weddings or if I was going to church for Mother's day. That was pretty much it up until now and that is what it'll pretty much go back to after the wedding. Until the next time I need to wear one.

Yep, Hetty, I've found that it is pretty nice to not have them get in my way for most of my life and I really think I wouldn't have been happy with any more than I have had. As for ever hanging down to my knees, I don't think so. I'm not sure that I could even hold a pencil under them if I was standing up straight.

Farmlady, yep all kinds of demons that have been turned loose with this post. But I like your and Tina's suggestion. I think about a week before the wedding would be a good time to get that pedicure, don't you?

jojo said...

Oh Helen, you are a keeper that's for sure!
And the comments you've been getting...let's just say I'm glad I've got my bladder control items in place..;p
I never had much to talk about either way but I always wanted more and was always humiliated taking showers in high school...ack! I wouldn't go back to those days for anything.
The only person who ever made me feel bad though was/is my mother-in-law, with tears in her eyes she cried out..'how could I have raised a son who would marry a girl with no bosoms??" yeah, she said it in front of many people at a family reunion..she's special like that..;p

darsden said...

excuse me Helen.. want to speak to jojo Gurl give me that witches address I am gonna go pay her a visit for talking about you like that...I am just gonna slap her tits off... okay...carry on...

Reddirt Woman said...

JoJo some folks got no couth. I'm with Dar on this one, the address please.. we can help her to understand the error of loose lips.

Right Dar? We are the champions of the underdogs, the underendowed and the kinder way, and if we need to slap her tits off to get her to that plateau, so be it.

Corn will be up tomorrow folks. I worked too hard today.

darsden said...

Oh yes, Helen I am the Advocate for the underdog!!! I can't believe how some people are. That was one of the meanest things I have ever heard.

jojo said...

OMG you girls are killin' me!

Reddirt Woman said...

JoJo we love you and hate it when our peeps have been hurt.

darsden said...

Yes, JoJo, I am known around these here parts to be the blogger peep patrol. Nobody messes with my peeps!

Robynn's Ravings said...

Oh Helen, OH HELEN!!!!!! This story could win awards. If that dingbat (er, sorry, your niece) knew what a jewel she has in you she would have given you a journal and asked you to write a thought down for her so she'd have one should she ever need it. Did I say that outloud?

At first I ROARED and then I cringed. What a rich family history and lots of making do with sibs who obviously loved you and a mom who knew how to cope with the same problem. And I didn't know whether to laugh or cry at the sales lady who referred to you as "sir." That you had the MOXIE to stick that out under the horrifying scrutiny she put you through is proof positive you are made of TOUGH STUFF. I'd STILL be bawlin'!

Really? She gave you bras at Christmas, in front of everyone, and made that unbelievable comment? Yes, Sass. Give her a journal for her wedding. She NEEDS thoughts. Write a LOT down.

Tipper said...

Helen-you are so real-thats what I love about you. When my girls were little one of them saw me getting dressed and said "momma you've got a hole in your booby catcher" I had a hole in the back of my bra and she didn't know what to call it. So around here we still call them booby catchers. I don't have much to catch either.

Mary Ellen said...

I can't believe I missed the Boob Posts! Good thing I scrolled down to see what you've been up to.

I have plenty of boobage, and I spend an extraordinary amount of time and money figuring out how to keep them from needing to be tucked into my belt. I often wished I had a little less, but I see that might have been trying, as well.

Thanks for affording me a laugh - as precious little has been doing lately - I sure needed it!

Terry said...

Howdy Helen
I came back to read part Deux again and realized my comment went missing .
Some day I am gonna get the hang of this computer stuff !
Oh Helen you should take both part's of this story and mail it to your neice it is such a great true to life story.
I have laughed and even got a little misty eyed a time or two thinking back .I must confess I have missed a few family gatherings over the years not knowing how I was going to get in shape ,shoes ,dress,hair ,nails etc...
I am getting a lot more comfortable with myself the past few years .
I do believe you are a very beautiful woman and it won't take a lot for you to see this so go for it girlfriend dress to the nines .
Just find some comfortable shoes if it's going to be a long wedding event :)
Love ya sweetie
Happy Trails