Wednesday, March 3, 2010

These Are The Nights…

Or mornings that try women’s souls.  The nights that drag by, the nights that it seems I hear every clock tick in this marvelous world of battery operated clocks that in truth, don’t…  This is one of those nights that thoughts bounce around in my head like ping pong balls, one of those nights where my mind can’t really settle on one thing to lull myself to sleep with, instead I’m jerked like a fish on a hook from one thought  to the next.

How much iodine did we mix with baby oil back in the day when it was far from any doctor’s mind that tanning might not be really very good for your skin, much less the possibility of being lethal…?

Have I ever written about learning to ride a bike on my big sister’s bike?  The one that the seat was too high for me to sit on but I wanted to learn so badly to ride that I would stand on the pedals, my hands having to reach up above my shoulders to hold onto the handlebars…

Or about the times that we, my brother and the neighbor kids and I, would have ‘hoe-downs’ in the front yard that were nothing more than our mother’s prayers being answered that we were running off the excess energy before bedtime, wrestling or chasing fireflies to catch and put in a jar with holes carefully punched in the lid so we wouldn’t suffocate them, no matter that occasionally we would pinch their glowing butts off to make rings for our fingers or a pin on our t-shirts…

Maybe it was an evening for playing ‘statue’ when the bigger kids would whirl us around and then let our hands go and how we stopped we had to hold that position… until we were itchy from falling in the grass on sweaty summer evenings until we were called in for our baths before bedtime and how sweet and fresh the sheets smelled from being hung out on the clothesline to dry in the sunshine and summer breeze back in the day before clothes ‘dryers’ came to live in our basement.

Did I ever tell you that I could dribble a basketball one hundred  times without missing a beat before I was four or that my mom had her first heart attack the summer I was twelve and I thought for years it was my fault because I had been out playing all day and she didn’t know where I was?  Of course it was no different than any other summer day when my baby brother and me and the next door neighbor had been out riding our bikes, playing in our hideouts or walking to the neighborhood store three blocks away back when kids could walk to neighborhood stores but still I knew it had to be my fault…

Or about the crush I had on the cutest boy in the sixth grade class, a little blond/tow headed kid that right now I can’t remember his last name but I can remember riding bikes with around the school yard singing every song I could think of from the musical “Oklahoma” thinkin’ I could get him to fall in love with me even though I didn’t have a clue, though I thought I did, about what love really was… probably the very first crush I ever had on anyone that I can recall right now?

Or about the crush I had on my p.e. teacher the very next year that drove that little blond/tow-headed boy that had gone on to another school right out of my memory?  And did each and every one of us have a crush on our p.e. teacher or band teacher or English teacher no matter what sex they were?

Thinking about how Hallie loves weiners and how I love schnauzers and how wonderful it is to have all these differences that make us each so unique and to really enjoy the facets that make us all bright and shining stars in a universe, a galaxy, a milky way of personalities and how we find each other by such random ways in our different worlds…  A coincidence? The birds of a feather axiom?

All these thoughts and more… and it is now six in the morning, I’ve been to bed four times only to toss and turn, finally giving in and getting up to go read stuff on FaceBook or to play Farmville or Cafe World trying to lull myself into mind numbing stupidity to slow my brain down enough to finally fall asleep and, obviously since I’m typing this missile, it hasn’t worked and since I’m going to get my hair cut at nine I will just give up, plan on staying up and hopefully watching the sun that we haven’t seen in a day or three rise in the east only to be fighting sleep in the chair while getting my hair cut or, better yet, laying getting my hair washed and my scalp massaged and feeling totally pampered…

Or is all of this brought on by withdrawal from watching more butts that you could bounce a silver dollar off of during the past two weeks, glutes and pecs and traps that were hewn and cut by hours, weeks and years of a single pursuit, a focus and a direction that I never in my a.d.h.d. life ever knew for more than, oh, perhaps twelve minutes whether in pursuit of my next meal or Olympic Gold?

Or is this no more than the sleepless ravings of a feverish mind?

Who knows…?

The Shadow knows…

Who cares?

Hallie, when did you corner the market on Ambien and why won’t you share?

15 comments:

Wonderful World of Weiners said...

Wow - my head is spinning from reading all this!!! :)

I must admit, cuz I'm all about the honesty, that I never really liked shnauzers until I learned to love yours. You have MADE me like them through your frequent pictorials.

Now lie to me and tell me you LOVE MY WIENERS!!

Oh, and as much as I also love you, I CAN NOT, WILL NOT, SHALL NOT share my Ambien.

Ambien junkies don't know HOW to share!!

Hallie

Caution Flag said...

Well, Helen, insomnia stinks royally, but you surely do write well when you have it. I love this post, and I loved playing statues. It was so hard to go inside after afternoons and nights like that, wasn't it?

GingerJar said...

Hi my fellow non-sleeper. I too have been at the mercy of FB and MySpace this a.m., also reading every Yahoo news acct of interest regarding the Chili Earthquack (I cannot spell this morning either) and the shortening of days...and thinking about reading the Bible as a way to sooth my not-sleepy spirit.

Good to see you are still kicking, enjoy your pampering today.

Sara said...

You've jogged my memory this morning about all of the wonderful fun I had as a kid. Sounds a lot like yours - roaming all over my small town on bikes, playing statue, catching fireflies, building snow forts in winter - or climbing the water tower. That might have caused a real heart attack if my mother had known. But it was a great childhood.

Thanks for giving me a trip down memory lane this morning. Have a nap after your haircut. :-)

Aleta said...

Wonderful World of Weiners took the words out of my mouth - my head is spinning from all of that! Sounds like you have some excellent blog posts, just flush them out some more, I'd love to read more about your childhood!!!

Staci said...

Helen, you should be my Farmville neighbor!

Twisted Fencepost said...

I hate nights like this, it makes my star not shine so bright.
Geez, talking about a brain dump....I'm still spinning. tee hee

Robynn's Ravings said...

Good grief, Sass. That IS the mind of a WOMAN. It's one reason I like to have the tv on so I can go to sleep. It shuts my mind up! Not Grizzly. He swears it keeps him awake while he snores right beside me. So I'm left alone with those spinning thoughts, too. Next time, I'm callin' YOU! This was great!

Ronda said...

Geez Helen, You just took me on a trip back to my childhood and now I hope I can sleep tonight! LOl

My first crush was in 2nd grade with the tallest cutest boy in my class, James and I remember in our class photo I was standing on the top row next to him and we were holding hands. I saw that photo the other day and I have such a smirky little grin on my face! I was a bad girl back then! LOl

Thanks for the trip down memory lane!

Love ya, Ronda

Laura ~Peach~ said...

love the trip back in my childhood... and love reading all you think...our missouri dates are set...cory steph bradley and maybe martha will be coming... leaving here april 12th... arrive that night... leaving hannibal the 16th that afternoon... so whirlwind trip but would LOVE to try to see you . i am not sure how many hours it is from you to there....

Carol said...

A comment from me would never be a stinker. You have had an upside down time schedule ever since I have known you -- admittedly not all night except when partying.

Your hair cut is outstanding.

Reddirt Woman said...

Hallie I don't have to lie to tell you I love your wieners almost as much as I love my schnauzers. I had two wieners when I was growing up. One regular size that liked to sit up like a meerkat and beg and a mini that looked exactly like Mr. Chompers that was stolen from my fenced yard..:-(. If I had to have any other dog than my girls it would probably be a wiener.

Caution, you know I thought about that after I read over this after I posted. It really wasn't as insane as I thought it would be and was probably one of the most honest posts and more open to who I truly am inside as opposed to being more cautious about letting people get closer to me. I'm afraid that is a holdover from years of not talking about my true self for fear of rejection by family, friends, church people, etc. I know I am a good person and am loved for myself, but for many years I thought I had to hide. I may have to do more posts and let my inner self shine more.

Ginger it's no fun to be an insomniac unless you are at home where you can get up and do something without worrying about waking the rest or the household. I feel that it is so cool that we have computers that can take us away now instead of hammering and sawing, painting and creating... or now that I think about it maybe it's not so cool. Maybe I need to get back to reading and reading the Bible as well as other good books. I used to do a lot of that before computers.

Sara we didn't have water tower to climb in the part of Okla. City that I was raised in, but my dad was a Phillips 66 jobber and at his office there were big above ground storage tanks that we were allowed to climb to the top of on Saturdays when there were minor league baseball games at the old ballpark where the Okla. City Indians played. We were probably not 200 or 300 feet away from the left field fence and we could watch the game while dad did whatever bookwork he needed to do. It gave mom a break for two or three hours and daddy knew we would not get into mischief as we really liked to watch baseball. And I did go home and go to bed after my pampering.

Aleta I'm going to try to start fleshing out some of my childhood stories. I had planned to do more of that than I've done but some things are hard for me to go back and remember for various reasons but it sure felt good to just list off bits of some of the good memories.

Staci send me a request... Helen Gardner in case you don't remember my last name. I'd be right proud to be a neighbor to as big an OU fan as I am... Boomer Sooner!!

Becky and this was only a mini brain dump. I couldn't type fast enough to catch a lot of the thoughts bouncing around!

Robynn you can call me anytime... day or night. I can go back to sleep easy enough if I'm having a sleeping night and if I'm not...we can just solve all the problems of our worlds together. Love you Sass!

Ronda I know I had crushes earlier in gradeschool but this boy, Johnny S.(I remembered his name), was my first BIG crush! Isn't it fun when we think back or someone jogs us back to those times! It made me smile when I thought about it. I didn't get to hold hands with the boy so either he didn't care about girls yet or my singing was AWFUL! Why else could someone turn down a girl singing, "I'm Just A Girl Who Caint Say No"?

More comment answers later... gonna go outside for a bit. It's beautiful today!

darsden said...

now I won't be able to sleep goodgooglymoogly I am worn out just reading about what goes through you mind in one evening

Tatersmama said...

Ahhh... the memories, here!
You know, I call those nights "fishy nights", because the thoughts and images just keep swimming back and forth when I soooo want to just fall asleep!

I had to laugh at the whole firefly thing though. We would oh-so-carefully punch holes in the lids, shake 'em for a while to make 'em light up to read by, and then we would pinch their butts off and see who could wear the most rings.
How dumb was that? lol!

Tatersmama said...

Just had a thought...
Why don't they make days like that anymore? Life sure was good, wasn't it?