Wednesday, September 21, 2011

I've Been Too Long At The Fair...

I wish. Of all things I enjoy doing one of the top things on my list is going to the State Fair. It is one of those things that Carol and I both enjoy. We don't care about the rides but we love to go through all the buildings... Seeing all things from quilts, woodcarvings, photographs, butter sculpture, all sorts of crafts and foods... pies, cakes, cookies, canned goods, on to cut flowers, veggies of all sorts entered and hoping for best of show ribbons and recognition from their peers.

We like to look at all the things the school kids make, create, draw, paint and, again, cook and enter for perusal and judgement feeling their excitement emanating from their works or perhaps that's just my over-active imagination and recall from back in the olden days when I would enter poster drawing contests in grade school and be so excited, especially when news would come back that I'd won a ribbon... recognition for my creative abilities.

We also enjoy sampling a variety of "fair foods"... We both have our favorites and what we usually do is buy something, share it, wander and look some more, buy another food, share it and wander on to the next thing... for sure we always end up with a funnel cake, usually taking it to the car as we leave to munch on as we drive home.

This year none of the above happened. We would like for it to have happened, I mean we aren't getting any younger you know, but due to financial problems (van troubles that needed repair) and my feeling lousy and having doctor bills to pay... We didn't go to the fair.

But I digress... I've been too long from my blog. As I had shared with you all I have been having a hard time dealing with depression. I went to my GI on Sept. 13th for my appointment. My liver enzymes were still off, including another one that hadn't been up before. I've really got my doc scratching his head now. I told him that I really was not trying to be his difficult patient and he said if this keeps up I'm going to end up at the Liver Center at Mercy or Baptist Hospital. Geez. And as if I wasn't sleeping poorly enough, he jacked my Prednisone, a steroid, to 40 mg. a day and put me on Imuran, the long term med he had said he was going to prescribe after that first month of steroids got my ducts settled down which they didn't but he started me on the Imuran anyhow. It takes a while for the Imuran to build up in my system and he will start reducing the steroids a bit at a time. If any of you have been on an extended steroid regimen you know how it can mess with you. The news of possibly having to go to the hospital for tests was not exactly the news I was hoping for when I went to my appointment and I came home angry, frustrated and even more depressed. Am I ever going to feel human again?!

I called and made an appointment with a psychiatrist. I went to see him today. He upped my Cymbalta and also had me get some homeopathic stuff. Melatonin to try to help me rest and B-50 to help do something else, fish oil for something else and a prescription for folic acid to help with the liver. Don't misunderstand me... I'm more than willing to try this regimen for the next month and will try to document if it helps and at my next appointment we will determine if there has been any improvement in the depression. If so I will continue taking the vitamins along with the antidepressant and if not we will take the next step whatever that may be.

So I bit the bullet and took your all's advice and, better late than never, made the call for help. I hope that I will be able to soon report that the black cloud has lifted and is finally under some form of control. Better living through chemistry, don't 'cha know... Seriously I knew I needed some help to break the cycle but just kept putting it off thinking I could pull myself up by my bootstraps like I had in times before but I just didn't have the reserves this time. I think the extraordinary heat of the summer, along with the physical ailments that I've been dealing with the last 8 months just wore me down so I want to thank you all for standing behind me, encouraging me to get some help to deal with all this... You probably should have been kicking me in the butt to get me to move on it a little quicker but at least I'm in the works now and will follow through until at least my mind is better...

My next blood work and GI appointment is scheduled for the 27th of this month. I'll keep you posted on what is determined at that appointment. But I will post something between now and then so you all will know I'm still alive!

I will try to not stay quiet for this long again. Thanks to each and every one of you for checking on me and encouraging me. And I really, really mean it.

10 comments:

jojo said...

I'm so glad you checked in. I remember the hardest part was not accepting the fact that I was depressed it was asking for help. I'm so glad you finally bit the bullet. I hope in a few weeks all will settle down...liver too, and dealing with life will be a little less tiresome.
take care Helen, and know that you are in my thoughts and prayers...

Twisted Fencepost said...

I know all too well how hard one can try to "fix" things, trying to feel better mentally and physically and it seems the harder I try the worse it gets. It's depression at its finest. And then there are people with negative outlooks who seem to attach themself to me, that doesn't help either. Depression is a very real emotional sickness. I hope that all you are doing brings you out of this and gets everything under control again. Hang in there, Helen! We can beat this!!

The Blog Savant said...

I am new to your website, and know that my words may not hold much weight... but I will pray for you. I have enjoyed reading your blog, and cannot imagine the struggle you have suffered. I hope for healing and happiness in your life. Cheers, Kate

Anonymous said...

I take melatonin every night and it really helps me sleep. And B vitamins are good for depression. I hope they help you. Good Luck,Bonnye in west sacramento

hetty said...

Glad you checked in. I was getting worried about you. But after reading this, I am still worried about you. I have given up on doctors. And I feel much better. I also was given massive doses of steroids. They helped at the time, but the side effects are lasting much longer. You need to get a hobby. Do fun stuff. Go to the fair, even if you are broke. Just don't buy anything. I am involved with a mini quilt group that meets each week and I love it. Hang in there girl. The best is yet to come.

Lonicera said...

Your post sent me scurrying to Wikipedia to understand what some of that medication is - and I'm not sure I'm any the wiser. It will be interesting to see if after a month or so you feel better. My anti-D (Citalopram 10) made itself felt after about 6 weeks, and I can definitely feel the difference.
God bless
Caroline

Paxie said...

I kinda knew you were backsliding...just had the feeling. We both tend to get quiet.

You and Carol enjoy the fair like I do...the exact same way. I haven't been in a few years and I miss it.

One thing I'm most relieved about is that you live with Carol. I'm glad you are not alone in this fight. Sounds like you have good docs and it is a trial and error thing as you well know. I'll keep praying that this process does the trick. Prednisone? Ugh. Have t-shirt. Ugh.

Until then neighbor...we'll keep plugging away at Frontierville. Just know that when you see my name pop up "begging"? I'm sitting on this end not feeling too perfect either :) We ain't alone woman!!

Tatersmama said...

Oh Sass... honey, I'm with you in spirit, every step of the way! Hopefully the steroids will make a difference and the other stuff will get you back to feeling like yourself again. I agree with the 'heat' thing... when we're feeling like crap, the extreme heat seems to make everything even worse... and it sets up a vicious cycle. Cooler temps and the new meds/non meds may just be enough to get you back on your feet.
At the worst (with my lupus) I was on 80mgs of prednisone... but eventually it did what it was supposed to do; I almost feel human nowadays and YOU WILL TOO!!!
Love you, girl, and
{{{{ BIG hugs}}}

Robynn's Ravings said...

Sass, I saw your note on Tatersmama's FB page and was so glad. I popped over and am sorry to say I didn't know you were going through the depression part. I know last time we talked you told me about the liver issues. I'm not a doctor and I'm pretty sure if I played one on tv they'd STILL arrest me, but I am a big believer in Dr. Sandra Cabot's supplements. She IS a liver doctor, her specialty, and her Livatone Plus has helped me a lot. She also has books on the subject and good dietary suggestions. She's had people on liver transplant lists that she's turned around. I don't know if any or all of that will help but do check out her site. Our chemicals being off in our bodies can contribute to depression as well. I'm so sorry.

It's good to *see* you and I'll give you a call soon. I got to talk to another bloggy friend today whom I had never been able to speak with before. She is Vicky at Westra World and is battling stage four breast cancer. She is very encouraging and you might love reading her (and vice versa).

Talk about absent, if I were in the military they'd have had me arrested for being AWOL long ago. Sending hugs your way. <3

IISAFETY said...

It's good to read that you and Carol enjoyed much at the fair, but you really have to take extra care & focus on monitoring your health. Thanks for posting, I'll include you on my prayers :)