Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Thoughts Of A Lady In Waiting...

And I use the term 'lady' loosely since I'm the 'lady' in the title. Now to explain...

I had a colonoscopy today and while waiting my turn in the line up I got to thinking about all things related to the procedure. First off, who thought this up in the first place and whatever drew the person in question to the interest in this part of one's anatomy. Had they been a spelunker in a former life or did they just like to explore dark caves for a hobby in this life? Are the doctors that specialize as G.I.'s just enamored over the idea of going places that no man, or very few men, have ever gone before... I mean, face it, that is just not a very interesting landscape or moonscape, as it were, to most people in this world.

And don't you think that there ought to be some sort of mood music playing while you wait to have your innards perused? Perhaps something like the theme from 'Star Wars', a reference again to going where no man has ever gone before. And I think they, the owners of the endoscopy services, ought to hire someone to be on duty to kiss you before the procedure for obvious reasons... I wouldn't ask for a cigarette afterwards because I quit smoking a number of years ago but for those who do choose to still smoke I think it would be appropriate to have an area for such purposes. No, I wouldn't ask for sweet talk as that might be considered being too demanding.

And, finally, the scheduling staff shouldn't book so many appointments per day so that if the doctors that are preforming the procedure get backed up, pun intended, some idiot like me won't have to wait so long and have the time to think stuff like this up. And this is but a smattering of the thoughts that played ping pong in my head while I was waiting for my exam.

Wouldn't you all like to play in my head some days?

P.S. I forgot to tell you that the doctor did dispel one popular rumor... my head is not, I repeat, is not up my butt all the time...

8 comments:

BUSH BABE said...

THat was hilarious!!!! Am linking to it on twitter - you have a very funny mind Helen.
:-)
BB

Reddirt Woman said...

Thank you BB. I do get a little twisted sometime!

farmlady said...

Oh my God, Helen. This is so funny.
I will never again have one of these procedures without thinking of this post and you.
Thanks for the light at the end of the tunnel.

♥ Braja said...

Ha! I love the closing...priceless :) And so good to have proof of that....!!

Lonicera said...

I work in a urology department in a hospital, and regularly go into labs where urine is analysed, so I too find myself having a lot of irreverent thoughts as to why anybody would be interested in this subject - while being grateful that they are.

I'm imagining your 'colonoscoper', or whatever he's called, going home - "How was your day today hon?" "Oh, the usual, but hey I saw a very interesting colon. This lady must live on okra for most of the year..."
Caroline

Nola said...

I have a friend who always says, "Yes, the sun DOES shine out of my arse.....and I'm not getting up an hour early for anyone!!" lol lol

Paxie said...

ROFLMBO! Oh Helen, we so think alike. My head is the same and it's so tiring sometimes hahahaha. Wish I had an on and off button.

I take it you got all "clean" before you went. That's the yucky part. I agree on the music!!!!

Hope your colon is cool LOL

Caution said...

You made me smile! I had a GYN visit last week - the third in the last month. Such a nice doctor! BUT when he said, "I need to take one more little look today - it makes no difference if you have your period," I thought what a strange man.