***** LATE BREAKING NEWS FLASH*****

BFE, OK (RDW wirestory)--- Contrary to popular beliefs, doctors did confirm today that Helen G., a.k.a. Reddirt Woman, has not had any contact with, or been wallowing around with any swine... at least not the 4 legged kind. Although the Dirty Ole' Woman looks like she's been drug around the pasture a time or 7 and although she still feels like she has been wallowed on, over, under and any ways else she could have been wallowed on... that it is not the fault of any old boar... or swine, period.

When this reporter got as up close and personal as the wind would allow to ask about these findings, after Helen wiped her nose on her sleeve, and croaked... "That's right!!! The doctor said it couldn't be proved that I had been near any swines since I chased piglets last summer on my niece's place. I am vindicated! "


Okay, okay... If I cry about this it makes more snot and that's not good, so I have to laugh. I went to the Doc in a Box today. My throat has been so sore for 2 days I figured I best get checked. I do not have strep. I've had so much drainage that my throat looks kinda like a baboon's backside, but it's not strep. I do have bronchitis, all the drainage is gurgling around in the upper lobes of my lungs, so the doc gave me a RX for antibiotics and said if I wasn't better in ten days, to check back. I didn't tell her I wasn't gonna wait ten days. I've been sicker than I can remember in, oh, 30 - 40 years and I better get to feeling better soon or I'll be ready to be rolled off into the bar ditch.

So I have taken heed of the urgings of all of you (thank you, very much) and gone back to the doctor and re-visited what was going on with me and hopefully I'll start going the other way with this stuff, because it really is a bitch to try to be funny about this crud.

Back to bed now, to sleep, perchance to dream, a dream of being swooped up on a magnificent black stallion by a magnificent, young, handsome gorgeous strong person.....
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who will finish planting my garden for me before fall...


I really don't think that is too much to ask.